Tales of Symphonia: A Day in a Crazy Place
by Planetary Colloquium
Summary: Okay... bad summary taken out. Anyway, it's... pretty random. Very left-field humor. I'm not sure I would call it PG-13, but anyone under ten should probably be on guard. ;
1. Is a Crazy Day in SquirrelDoodle

Tales of Symphonia: A Day in a Crazy Place

Nyah! This is gonna be a happy, crazy day in the world of SquirrelDoodle. Don't ask me, that's what they named it, not me.

'Twas a pretty day in the land of SquirrelDoodle, and it was raining. Only not.

Chapter 1: The Craziness Begins

Genis and Presea were walking along in the beautiful snowiness of Flanoir, when all of a sudden, the snow all melted. Bizarre, you say? Not really, because Genis was shooting random fireballs everywhere.

"Nyah! Take that, stupid zombies!" Genis fired away, grinning like a lunatic.

"Genis… there are no zombies here."

"Tell that to the lettuce!"

"…" Presea sneakily knocked him out with her axe of doomy-ness. "You should not act so crazy in Flanoir."

Kratos ran up to the pair, wearing nothing but a Speedo. "My, my! What a lovely day it is!"

"Um… Kratos, aren't you cold?" Presea hid her eyes in fear.

"You must be joking! I'm an angel! I can withstand all!" Kratos grinned and ran away and behind a building. Presea paused and heard him say, "Ah, if only I could feel the wind on all of me!" Then a tight snap and many people screaming.

"Goddess Martel, save us all…" Presea sighed, dragging Genis along like a doll by the foot.

All of a sudden, Kratos appeared next to the author (which is me, by the way), mercifully fully dressed in his Judgment outfit.

"So, author, now that my craziness is gone," Kratos said in his normal, calm voice, "I can help you write this story."

Excuse me? Who said I needed your help?

"You must be joking, Ms. Author. I was FLASHING people. I think you at least need help writing this, even if I can't sign you up for mental help."

Hmm… no. Go away before I make a parrot eat you.

"Sheesh. You'd think I could help…" Kratos muttered as he appeared next to Raine, who was attempting to comfort Presea.

"Shh, Presea, everything will be okay. Everything." Raine was staring at Genis with a shocked look on her face. (Which must also be making her rather nice.)

"Raine. He was throwing fireballs at zombies."

"Yeah, that's weird, I know."

Suddenly, Zelos appeared from out of nowhere! "Nyah, I am here!" He shouted, striking a heroic pose. "Um… do you care?"

"Not really!" Sheena appeared and knocked him out.

"Oh no!" Colette ran over from out of a wall and cradled Zelos's bleeding head. "I'm sorry!"

"Raine!" Regal and Lloyd ran over, screaming. "Colette escaped from the wall we built around her!"

"Yes. We know." Raine was huggling Genis from the cold. Which was really bizarre. "AHHH!"

"What is it, Professor!" Genis woke up instantly. "I mean… Raine!"

"The water! It's everywhere!" Raine promptly passed out.

"Um… there's no water." Lloyd ran over and tackled Colette.

"Teh snow!" Colette yelled, being tackled. "It's teh water! X3"

Lloyd managed to knock Colette out and tie her to a tree. "Kratos, are you ok?"

"No. I am losing my cool and the author is to blame." Kratos carefully ran a hand through his hair. "I will kill the author!" And then Kratos was struck by lightning.

Sorry. My finger slipped.

"Yeah, I'm totally sure it did..." Kratos stood, completely unharmed. "I will... um... kill Colette!"

"Hey, I'm with you there!" Lloyd grabbed a shovel. "She's totally useless now! You kill her and I'll dig her grave!"

"Well thought out, Lloyd!" Kratos exclaimed. "You're the best son a guy could ask for..."

"Aw, you're nice. In fact, I think that there is something in the atmosphere today. Or will continue to be for a while..." Lloyd paused. "Anyway, this substance that is present seems to be making people act completely contrary to what is the norm."

"Well... if Lloyd is all smart-ish, there is no other explanation." Sheena ran over from somewhere.

"That means that Raine is very caring and huggable..." Zelos muttered, smiling heartily. "But... wait... the one day that I could cuddle her, I don't care about being a pervert! Cruel fate!" Zelos curled into a ball on the ground, weeping softly.

"And that's why Genis was acting insane!" Lloyd pointed out. "He's normally very calm and controlled."

"So that's why Presea was being slightly more emotional." Zelos composed himself. "This is rather strange."

"Except..." Kratos pointed out. "No one but us seems to be affected."

"Yes, rather true." Lloyd was now wearing glasses and a nice suit.

Um, hello? You could just ask me!

"This is so true!" Presea jumped up, squealing. "We could just ask the author!"

Yeah! Hey, Presea, remember how Kratos was acting earlier?

"Yes! It's so horrible!" Presea sank to the ground, sobbing and pounding it with her fists. "Completely revolting!"

It will be worse. Much worse, unless he is properly restrained. I guess I'll bring him up here with me, since then whatever is floating about what affect him...

And instantly, Kratos disappeared and was replaced with Regal, who had been on a killing spree.

"Nyah! That's right, people, fear Regal Bryant!" Regal had removed his shackles and was carrying two knives, which were covered in blood.

"Author, I think you are going a bit far with this," Kratos said.

Aw, lighten up, you mister angel person. I'm just getting started.

"Well, as long as we're here..." Kratos put on a frilly apron and began fixing dinner.

Um... okay, so maybe the substance is in here a little bit. Maybe that's the reason I'm writing this story.

"Oh, sweet author, I made dinner!" Kratos returned, wearing a nice suit.

Seriously, Kratos, you're scaring me. But it does smell good. For Pete's sake, Kratos, you're supposed to kill the turkey before we eat it!

"No way! I like ma meat raaaw!" Kratos dug in happily.

... Well, at least he can't hurt anyone else up here...

"Oh, author-honey, I fixed a plate up for you! And after you finish, we can sit down and talk about our love for one another!" Kratos ran in and glomped the author.

I'm sorely tempted to send you back down there, even though you are huggable and hot!

"Waaaaaah..."

"Well, at least we don't have to deal with him anymore!" Colette appeared, looking evil and mischievous. "And I can prank the entire world! Starting with the author!" Colette grabbed a water balloon and threw it straight up, where it proceeded to fall and land directly on her head. "On second thought, I should practice, first..."

That's right! You can't touch the author! Ha ha ha ha ha!

"But I can!"

Kratos! Hands off! What are you, Zelos!

"I resent that!" Zelos ranted.

Deal with it you pervert!

So the hero group (minus Kratos, curse him!) ran off to try and find a cure for this weird substance.

"Come on, guys!" Genis yelled. "Let's go! I wanna find some kitties to huggle! X3"

"Genis, you must be calm and sane!" Presea wept. "Please!"

"Aw, poor Zewos, he is so sad!" Raine huggled Zelos and kissed his cheek. "I will cheer you up!"

"No, Raine, today is no good." Zelos sighed. "I kinda want some ice cream."

"Yay! Ice cream!" Presea cheered up instantly, then ran off to the ice cream truck that had appeared out of nowhere. "Yay!" She stopped dead when she saw the owner of the truck dead, his blood all over the snow.

"This must be Regal's doing..." Lloyd adjusted his glasses.

"Regal..." Presea gripped the handle to her axe so hard that splinters popped out. "He will... PAY!" She ran off to find the ex-convict.

"Yes... the ice cream is gone..." Zelos tried to comfort Sheena, who was extra nice to him today.

"Aw, author-sweetie, why did you get rid of the ice cream?" Kratos asked sadly.

I didn't. It was Regal. Go bother him.

"I can't. You brought me here so I wouldn't wreak havoc down there anymore."

You have a point. But that does not mean that I love you! Well, I do, it's just creepy when you act all crazy-ish.

"WAAAAAH!"

Gah! I'm about to kill someone!

"You should try it, Ms. Author!" Regal ran by, holding three knives and a shotgun. "It's quite exhilarating!"

Regal, you alone are sane. Hey, is that Presea with the Gaia Cleaver?

"Um... yeah. I wonder if she tried to get some ice cream..."

Yeah. You better run... Kratos! Get away from me! For the last time, don't touch me!

"But author-honey!"

No buts, or I'll kick your butt!

Lloyd was snickering loudly when he was suddenly struck by a mysterious bolt of lightning.

That'll learn ya.

"The correct grammar is 'That will teach you.'" And suddenly, Lloyd was struck by lightning (again).

Shut up.

"Mm! Ma moush!" Lloyd yelled, his mouth covered with duct tape. "Mif Ofer! Ma moush!"

Nyah! Ha ha ha! No, Kratos, back up! That is not funny! And look, you've ruined my pudding...

"But..."

No buts!

Regal, after being dreadfully beaten by Presea, was limping back to the rest of the group when Colette ran up to him.

"Hey, Regal, what's red all over?"

"Um... I don't know..."

"YOU!" Laughing maniacally, Genis shot Regal with several fireballs. Then Colette and Genis ran away happily.

Unfortunately for them, one of the fireballs had gone astray and hit the author.

DOOM! THERE WILL BE RETRIBUTION!

And suddenly, a pair of tiny turtles replaced Genis and Colette.

"Turtle?" Genis turtled.

"TURTLE!" Colette turtled, lifting a tiny leg and shaking it in what was supposed to be a threatening gesture.


	2. The Craziness Continues And Kratos's Re...

**Thanks for everyone reading this story! I've gotten some really great reviews, which I'd like to share now. Or at least give credit where credit is due.**

**To crystal-cilara: Thanks, I was really going for the crazy side of my personality. (Which happens to be all of it...)**

**To LloydIrving: I love you! You are now my favorite person ever! Seriously, though, don't let my story damage your health. I'm trying to get the second chapter up, but at least this gives me a great opportunity to thank you, eh?**

**To ObviousMan: I'm sorry,I have no clue where all the awesome symbols in your name are. But thanks for your review! **

**To Streek-has-returned471: This world is full of people that absolutely love my stories (for some obscure and unappreciated reason...). So major kudos to you for your great sense of taste! Meh, I'm somewhat vain.**

**To MoonCannon: Thanks, and hopefully I'll be able to continue this story for a little while. Kinda busy at school, so updates will probably be few and far between. > **

**To Angelglory: Thanks for the great review! And I have read Spiffy Symphonia, and I must say, it is more random than mine. You hear that, people? If you like this story, go read Spiffy Symphonia. It is ten times as hilarious.**

**Whew. That was long and hard. My poor little attention span just can't handle that much non-crazy work. But hopefully this chapter will actually go up. Last time, it didn't. So cross your fingers and hope! Knock on wood The rest of you, knock on wood! Go! KNOCK ON WOOD!**

"Turtle turtle." Genis replied angrily. "Turtle." (It's all your fault you useless Turtle-Chosen).

"TURTLE!" And Colette tackled him. Well... tackled-ish.

"Author, my love, I brought you candy! And flowers, and a plate of ravioli shaped like little hearts. :3" Kratos said, balancing it all on his head.

Well, I see you're trying to win me over with candy. I love candy! I LOVE YOU!

"Meh heh heh..."

Come here so I can give you your reward!

"Are you gonna kiss me?" Kratos's eyes turned into little hearts reminiscent of Zelos's.

Well... just come here.

"YAY!"

Suddenly, Kratos tripped and knocked himself unconscious. How sad.

I knew that rock would come in handy... Mmm. Candy.

"NYAH!"

Kratos! You tricked me! AAAHHH...

"Nyah, don't you love chocolates with sedatives? I know I do!" Kratos hid the chocolate box away in case he forgot about the sedatives later.

"KRATOS! LEAVE THAT POOR AUTHOR ALONE!" Sheena yelled. She was beginning to regain her temper. That might mean that the day is wearing off...

Kratos stuck his tongue out and grinned. Not that she could see him. Suddenly... weasels were everywhere, attacking his arms (but never his face. X3). And then the author woke up.

KRATOS!

"But..."

No buts! I'm kicking you out of here!

And thus Kratos was kicked out of author-land. How sad for him. And for the rest of our semi-heroic crew down below.

"Hey, what are these two hard things under my bum?" Kratos wept. "Are they... turtles! And why has my love forsaken me!" Kratos sat there and wept for about four seconds, then set off to find a way to get back to the author.

"...Turtle..." Genis mumbled.

"Turtle turtle..." Colette agreed.

All of a sudden, Sheena ran over, hopelessly in love with turtle Genis, for some bizarre reason. As Genis "ran" for cover, Sheena picked him up and huggled him.

"YOU'RE SO CUTE!" Sheena grinned and hugged him, thoroughly confusing and dizzying the poor critter.

"But, Genis..." Presea lost all traces of anger or happiness and wailed, "I thought you loved me!"

"Turtle turtle!" Genis wiggled his front legs helplessly. "Turtle turtle turtle!"

"Don't lie!" Presea suddenly became very angry. "You've been with her this entire time, haven't you!"

"TURTLE!" Genis and Colette cried in astonishment.

"Yeah, that's right, I've got you all figured out now!" Presea swung her axe high and paused. "It's almost a shame."

Genis-turtle cringed, waiting for his death. Colette-turtle cringed at the sickening thud as her axe hit home.

"Melon, Sheena?" Presea picked up half of the melon on the ground and offered it to the crazy girl.

"Why, thank you!" Sheena munched into the melon and grimaced. "Oh no! I'm allergic!" Dropping turtle Genis, she ran off in search of a good anti-itch ointment.

"Bwa ha ha ha!" Presea picked up turtle Genis and ran away, leaving Colette stranded in the middle of nowhere.

"Turtle!" Colette called after her retreating form. "Turtle..." She sobbed. That was when the traveling circus mimes showed up. Nyah!

Kratos was trying to fly back into the sky as the author laughed maniacally. This was so much fun:3 Anyway, Mithos had just shown up and was annoying Kratos to no end.

"Hey, Kratos, did you know that there are over 600,000 words in the English dictionary?"

"I had no idea."

"Hey, Kratos, did you know that hair is made out of the same stuff as bird feathers?"

"Not a clue."

"Hey, Kratos, did you know that cows produce several gallons of methane every day?"

"No."

"Hey, Kratos, did you know that I'm annoying."

"Now that one, I knew." And Kratos attacked Mithos evilly. "Ha! Got what's coming to ya, little wacko."

Kratos, that wasn't very nice.

"I'm sorry, but it had to be done." Kratos sighed apologetically. But he didn't sound apologetic.

I see. Anyway, he is a bit of a pest. Where's Lloyd?

"Beats me."

Lloyd was, in fact, at a convention of chemists and biochemists. They were bordering on not letting him in, as his reputation preceded him, but he gave them a whupping at Chinese Checkers. So they let him in.

"And that is my theory of relativity!" Lloyd finished, smiling. The entire crowd cheered and clapped.

"But, Lloyd, isn't that more the field of physics?" A petit young man asked.

"SILENCE YOU FOOL!"

Off her own world, Raine was swimming. Not just swimming, skinny-dipping. After towing Zelos around all day, she was tired. And she just didn't have a swimsuit. So she made Zelos hide while she took a dip. Unfortunately, there are more men than Zelos in the world...

"YOU PERVERT!" Raine pelted all her staves at the masked culprit, who collapsed in agony. Sadly for the rest of us, it was Yuan. He had become entirely girl-crazy, as had Kratos. And, like Kratos, had centered his obsession on one girl. And that girl was Raine. Lucky us.

"BUT I LOVE YOU!" Yuan cried as he blocked objects. Sadly, he could not block Raine's foot. Miraculously, she had gotten dressed as she was throwing things. What a concept. Multi-tasking.

Raine, I know how you feel.

"Author, you ought to help me out!"

Yes, I shall.

Instantly, Raine was transported to Altamira, inside one of the large-headed animal costumes. Nyah! Don't ask for help unless you're specific. X3

After shedding the costume, Raine slapped at fishies in the water until she caught one. Looking around slyly, to ensure no one was watching, she ate the fishie raw.

Regal got it all on tape. On a camera given to him by Lloyd and Kratos, who had built it by mistake while trying to construct a death ray.

"Oh, author-honey, guess who?" Kratos had found a way into the author's inner sanctum.

KRATOS! How did you get back!

"I used the back door. And my key. " Kratos grinned.

I should've changed those stupid locks. I should've made you leave your key!

"Don't go quoting love songs unless they're happy!" Kratos once again donned his frilly apron and began to cook supper.

I hate it when this happens. Grr.


	3. The Squirrels Feed at Dawn

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, or any character portrayed within this fanfiction. I hereby release any ownership people might have thought I had. Because I never had it.**

**And now, we have Zelos announcing the reviewers. Zelos?**

**Zelos: Yes, author, I'm gorgeous, aren't I? Out of SquirrelDoodle, I feel no effects of the crazy thing in the air. I am so hot...**

**Er... thanks, Zelos, but I think I'll take things from here...**

**Zelos: But... My fans! Vainly brushes hair out of face and uses author's mirror to check his makeup**

**NO!**

**Kudos to anyone out there who appreciates such awesome literature. Okay, braggart moment over, and let's continue to the reviewahs - I stole this word from "Spiffy Symphonia" X3 Tell me if you want me to take it out, Angelglory.**

**BrokenAngel,ForgivenDevil: You're totally awesome! I like fics where Genis and Presea act like an "old married couple," but it tampered with the "emotions" thing, so I put some teenage angst/suspicion into their relationship.**

**Iron Spirit: I adore Kratos, and he's always so, "BLAME YOUR FATE!" (lifted from preseagaiacleaver's fic, posted under my name.) I wanted him to be funny and crazy-ish.**

**Ryu Warrior: I don't know if yours is a good or a bad review. We'll plop it in the middle of the road, and I'll say thanks. But seriously, some mean reviews would definitely help me to improve, so all of you that just wait for an invitation, my story is fair game. **

**LloydIrving: I totally love you! You're awesome, but really, don't let my story cause you to die. Because then I'd have lost an awesome reviewer. And maybe I should have people signing waivers that say I'm not liable for any health problems... **

**ObviousMan: Let's hope you get rid of that nervous twitch, eh? laughs maniacally**

**Streek-has-returned471: You're as awesome as LloydIrving! I'm glad you like my fic so much, but I don't really see why...**

**MoonCannon: I'm trying to continue, yet you don't sound so excited... **

**Crystalcilara: It's crazy because I'm crazy. **

**Angelglory: I made it a point to read your fic, and I totally loved it! You're a much better writer than me, and I'd like to continue to hear from you. **

**Yes, all, you should all go read "Spiffy Symphonia" by Angelglory. It's kinda like my fic, but ten times better. **

**And now, onto the show!**

**Tales of Symphonia: A Day in a Crazy Place, Part 3**

**The Squirrels Feed at Dawn!**

If you remember, the author was in a sad plight as Kratos once again donned the frilly apron and began to cook. Wallowing in self-pity over the loss of a good reviewer, the author dumped out the chocolate and went for ice cream.

Back in SquirrelDoodle, things were hectic, with much confusion, and blood. And maybe a bit of gore. You see, Regal was just showing the tape to Colette, who grabbed it and broke it.

"HA! Now you can't make fun of Raine!" Colette laughed maniacally as Regal rolled madly on the ground. "Heh heh heh..."

Genis appeared out of nowhere. Apparently my turtle spell wore off. Curses!

"Yeah, author, that's right. Your spell wore off." Genis picked up a small piece of lettuce he found on the ground, sticking it in his mouth. "But turtle food is so yummy..."

"You know what, author-lady?" Colette stepped forward, looking defiantly into the sky. "I'm running this show now."

And then she ran all over the place, spray-painting, "The author is dead! –Colette" onto the walls. Then she mysteriously disappeared, and more writing appeared under hers, "Colette is dead. –The author."

"It's like a parody of Nietzsche." Genis grinned, scouting for more lettuce. He overturned a fruit seller's cart, eating the small fruits he found. "Mmmm... Kirima."

Psst! Yuan!

"Yes, author?" Yuan looked up from his spot on the ground. Which was near Lake Umacy. (I didn't specify in the last chapter.)

I need you to get Kratos away from me!

"Why is that?"

Because he's wearing a frilly pink apron. And making cookies. And brownies. And if you don't, I'll fry you right into Raine's angry hands.

"That is an excellent incentive!" Yuan sprouted angel wings and flew away, mysteriously appearing in author-land. "Kratos, I heard the author went to Altamira in a small and skimpy bathing suit!"

"C'est impossible!" Kratos yelled as he ran back out, still wearing his "Judgment" outfit and an apron. "Voila elle, tu idiote!"

"Je ne suis pas stupide, comme tu dit!" Yuan growled, grabbing Kratos by his apron lace. "Et ca est un clone." (Translation for those who don't speak French: "This is impossible! There she is, you idiot!"

"I'm not stupid, like you say! And that's a clone.")

"Grr... est-ce que tu sais ce pour vrai?" Kratos whined. ( Grr... Do you know this for true?)

"Oui, je suis sure..." Yuan sighed. (Yeah... I'm sure.) "Et maintenant, on y va!" (Let's go!)

And the pair left.

Je ne vais pas oubliee ce, Yuan. ( I'm not going to forget this.)

"Je sais que tu ne vas pas!" Yuan grinned, hoping to get away with it. ( I know you aren't.)

Excusez-moi!

"Er... je sais que vous n'allez pas..." He decided it would be better to swallow his pride. You didn't call the author "tu". It wasn't smart. ("Vous" is used when the person you're speaking to is plural or you need to be polite. Ex: Since I control his existence in my fic, I am referred to with the polite form)

So, I see the minor French incident is over. Too bad, it was kinda fun. And anyone who speaks better French, I've only been learning it for about six months, so cut me some slack and tell me how to word it better in a review.

"Author, honey, I've come for you!" Kratos was again wearing the Speedo.

Yuan had managed to set up an inflatable author doll, which Kratos attacked with love. It even squealed when he squeezed it too hard. "So, Kratos, are you convinced that the other is a clone?"

"Of course not!" Kratos fondled the inflatable doll. "But this one doesn't hit me when I touch her!"

You're disgusting, Kratos. But I love you anyway.

"Thanks, author." Kratos set down the inflatable doll. "Any chance you'll let me back up there? I don't want to live in a yellow submarine."

Too bad. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta find a friend. She seems to have disappeared. Hey, Jude, where are you? Hey, Jude!

"Don't look so glum, Kratos." Yuan put an arm around his shoulders. "The sun will come out tomorrow."

"Yeah... I should just... don't worry, be happy?" Kratos cheered up. Songs have a certain magical quality in SquirrelDoodle.

"Sure! After all, we're both addicted to love!" Yuan burst out laughing. Kratos joined him. They both laughed. Then a giant squid pulled them under. Then Yuan started screaming like a little girl.

Raine had just finished eating her fishy, and she was tired. She curled up on the spinning teacups of doom and took a nap. She didn't notice when Sheena crawled into the cup.

"So, Raine, where's Genis? And Presea?" Sheena grinned wickedly.

"How should I know? Am I my brother's keeper?" Raine opened one eye on Sheena.

"Fine." Sheena stalked off to go find her one true love.

Genis and Presea had fallen into a very small hole. This hole led straight into the Temple of Evil, a hidden seal that had gone unnoticed for a very long time. This was mostly due to the fact that the Summon Spirit of Evil is narcoleptic. (He falls asleep at random points in time.)

Presea picked herself up and dusted off her dress. "That's the last time we follow a tiny leprechaun into a mysterious hole in the ground!"

T5pppppppp

a

Hee hee... those two lines were contributed by my pet rat, Kiwi, who just happened to crawl across the keyboard! X3 She's my muse, and I listen to all that she squeaks.

Anyway, Genis jumped up, laughing maniacally. "I knew we should have turned left at Albuquerque!" He pulled out a carrot and started munching it.

"EVIL!" A muffled voice yelled.

"Did you say something, Presea?" Genis turned and glared.

Presea's eyes teared. "Why do you assume **I**said something? Maybe it was that evil-looking nerd in the corner!"

"Er... I guess. I didn't notice him." Genis swaggered over. "Hey, did you say something?"

"Yes..." The nerd hissed. "If you can defeat me in a fight... I will give you a nerd's wildest dreams!"

Genis grinned, thinking of money and intelligence. "We'll fight you!"

"Let the fight beginnnn..." The nerd hissed, transforming into a large, one-eyed monster.

"AHHH!" Presea wept. "GENIS HATES ME!" Swinging her axe madly, she accidentally defeated the Summon Spirit of Evil.

"I have lost..." The nerd said, handing Genis a small case.

"Nyah! Intelligence... Wealth!" Genis opened the small case while Presea stood by, watching.

"NOT FOR YOU!" The nerd yelled. "This is for the girl who defeated me..."

Presea took the case, grinning at Genis. "Nyah!" She opened it and took out the small...trading card! "THIS IS DUMB!"

"I'll take it, sweetie!" Genis grabbed the card. "I'm sure I could sell it..." His eyes turned into dollar signs. () - Genis

"No way... but I'll trade you." Presea grinned wickedly. Genis and the nerd paled under her mighty gaze.

Lloyd was surprised to see Presea walking around with a Genis hat. He had a flower in his mouth, and was trying his best to look decorative. He had just learned that the card was worth a lot of money, and decided he would be the best hat he could be in order to thank Presea. "Hey, Presea, Genis, I just finished my death ray!"

"Oh, so, you didn't make another video camera?" Presea grinned, jumping up and down with happiness. Genis tilted back and forth, trying to remain on her head.

"Oh, author-honey, guess who's back!" Kratos yelled as the door to author-land opened again.

I don't know how you do it, Kratos, and I don't think I want to. Did you give Yuan his inflatable doll back?

"Of course! Why wouldn't I?" Kratos was wearing an apron that said "Kiss the Cook."

I dunno. Anyway, I think this is the end of the third chapter.

"BUT I LOVE YOU!"

Shut up!

Kratos is hanging from a ceiling fan, turning green as the author ups the speed to maximum. Heh heh heh...


	4. The Electron Configuration Polka based o...

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any of this. If I did, the story would be only half as amazing, and Colette would be mysteriously killed at the beginning of the game.**

**Hey, cut me some slack on this chapter. It's midnight here.**

**Thankies:**

**Ilvinaeda: I hope I got your name right! I'm sorry if I didn't... I'd like to thank you for reviewing this story. Keep reading, if you like. And if you don't, er... do something else.**

**Kratos appears "Let me finish this, my love!"**

**How'd you get off the ceiling fan!**

**Anyway...**

**MoonCannon: Here's an update for ya! **

**Ryu Warrior: Sorry if I mistook lack of enthusiasm for bad review. Thanks, though! Interesting is good... right? Right!**

**Vire Blaze: Hey, I managed to trick my computer into letting me review your story. Stupid computer. Anyway, you're one of my loyal readers. **

**I loves all my reviewer persons! **

**Now... I guess you want to read the story. You're so impatient! And I'd like to take this opportunity to beg for more reviews. Reviews help me better my writing to make it funnier. I think.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Electron Configuration Polka**

"You know, my authoress love," Kratos said as he cut himself off the ceiling fan. "I'm beginning to think you're rejecting my advances."

Oh, really? Why is that?

"Because—" Kratos's ears perked up. "Hey, is Lloyd calling me!" He gave the authoress a quick hug and dashed away.

Curse you! I almost convinced him, too...

Lloyd was cowering in a corner while a stereo he had built blasted some form of weird square dancing polka music. "KRATOS! SAVE ME!"

"Yes, Lloyd?" Kratos turned the radio off. Lloyd stood and brushed himself off.

"It's... the electron configurations again."

"The... electron configurations?"

"Yes. You see, each atom has different energy levels for all the electrons. They are... s, p, d, and f. And the electrons fill these according to Hund's Rule..." Lloyd rambled on, and Kratos fell asleep.

"Huh?" Kratos roused suddenly.

"I said, what do you think the answer is?" Lloyd glared at him, pulling out a pair of bifocals. Presea ran up quietly behind him.

"Er... Sublevel f is filled with 3 electrons with parallel spin?" Kratos guessed.

"CORRECT!" Presea yelled loudly. And happily. Then she jumped up and down.

"No!" Genis yelled, swaying madly.

"NO!" Kratos yelled as Genis fell on him. He twitched violently, mysteriously propelling Genis back onto Presea's head.

"Kratos!" Presea wept, pulling out her hammer. "I can't believe you'd try to steal my Genis hat!"

"WHAT!" Lloyd laughed, moving backward in order to avoid the awesome anger.

"I never tried to—" Kratos braced himself. The impact was both incredible and awe-inspiring.

"Eww..." Sheena walked up, trying to sneakily steal Genis. "Presea, you have Kratos gunk on your axe."

"WHERE!" Presea fell to the ground, weeping. Sheena grabbed Genis and ran. "MY GENIS HAT! Come back to me, Genis hat..."

Poor Presea. I shall have pity on her.

Presea looked up as a Genis doll appeared next to her. "YAY!" She jumped up and began dancing with the doll, then taped a rose to it and stuck it on her head.

"It's totally an action figure." Lloyd murmured.

"It's a doll..." Presea's eyes glowed fiercely.

"Of course!" Kratos elbowed Lloyd in the ribs. "A DOLL, get it?"

"Oh... how could I have missed it?" Lloyd grinned feebly.

"Lloyd... we need to destroy the electron configurations." Kratos changed the subject abruptly.

"Why, Kratos? Just because they're annoyingly hard for the authoress to understand..."

"Because the electron configurations killed Anna, your mother!" Kratos slid to the ground, crying.

"No, they didn't. She became a monster." Lloyd looked confused. (Ah, some normal-ness.)

"Yes, but her atoms changed to become a monster, no?"

"Yes."

"Which means they bonded with other atoms through the electron configurations, no?"

"YES! DESTROY!" Lloyd laughed maniacally, picking up his death ray. Then he started blasting holes in everything.

"Er... Lloyd, let's seek out their leader, ok?" Kratos sweated. Lloyd would destroy the world, if given the chance.

"And who would that be?"

"How should I know!" Kratos jumped up and grabbed him by the collar. "You're the genius, remember?"

"Why don't you go ask Maxwell?" Regal and Raine appeared out of nowhere. Yuan appeared as well, covered in seaweed.

"BLAME YOUR FATE!" Kratos ran off to find Maxwell.

"Lloyd... Kratos abandoned us." Presea's eyes filled with fury. "He will PAY!"

Lloyd grabbed one of Presea's pigtails and was carried away with her. Because she flew to Exire. With magical pigtail wings.

"Maxwell!" Kratos searched. He wasn't at his normal hangout. Kratos unshielded his wings and jumped, looking for the Summon Spirit of Molecules. Then he spotted him. And immediately wished he hadn't. Ah, well. "Maxwell, what are you DOING!"

Maxwell was dressed in a frilly pink dress with a copy of Presea's Genis hat. He had a small cup of tea in one hand, and an ornate fan in the other. "Why, Sir Kratos, would you like to have tea with Monsieur Vinier and I?" He indicated a small, stuffed GIR plushie.

Kratos frowned, then Zelos mysteriously appeared. "Come on, Kratos! It gives you a chance to wear your frilly pink apron!"

"YAY!" Kratos donned his frilly pink apron of doom and sat down, stealing GIR's tea. He took a small sip. "What the! This is tuna!"

"Of course it's tuna!" Maxwell laughed giddily. "That's Monsieur Vinier's cup!"

In author-land, the authoress laughed madly as Kratos ran away to barf. Sadly, he ran into Presea.

"Eew... More Kratos gunk." Presea wiped her axe blade clean. "That'll teach you."

"So... Maxwell's gone crazy?" Lloyd surmised. He noticed Zelos and Maxwell whispering something. Then Zelos looked at him and laughed.

"HEY!"

* * *

Will Lloyd and Kratos ever stop the electron configurations? Will Presea ever find Genis? Why am I asking YOU these questions?

Tune in next time for my next chapter: **Keep your pants up, Lloyd!**


	5. Keep Your Pants Up, Lloyd!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia or any of the characters, settings, or situations in it. And people that think I do are sadly mistaken.**

**I'll now be putting words of the author in italics, so people don't get TOO confused. If you don't like it, tell me and I'll take it out. If I get lots of happy reviews and one bad one, then you whiners will just have to suck it up.**

**I think I'll reply to my reviewers! **

**Treekicker: Er... don't you think you need to breathe sometime soon? It might be bad for your health if you don't...**

**Generic Reviewer/anonymous: Wow, an anonymous review? I thought it would be bad. The OOCness is rather insane, but... I don't like to be poked.**

**Psychobreadfish: Wow, 4 reviews in like... 20 minutes! I was online for all of it, so yahoo just kept saying I had mail. It was kinda creepy. Kratos is SO sexay! **

**Vire Blaze: Yay, I DID conquer my computer. **

**MoonCannon: Thanks. 10/10 might be a bit generous, though... but trust me, I'm not complaining or anything. Perish the thought!**

**Random saying of today: "Remember! If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."**

**And now, on to the story! **

**Tales of Symphonia: A Day in a Crazy Place**

**Part 5: Keep Your Pants Up, Lloyd!**

* * *

As Lloyd ran through the village of Iselia, all the young girls laughed and blushed. He scowled and continued after Zelos.

"ZELOS! GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!" Lloyd was trying to cover himself, as he was only wearing boxers. And they had little care bears on them. XD

"Never! I'm the only man who can wear pants in this story!" Zelos had pants drooped all over himself, and was running through the town, laughing maniacally.

"You must be joking! Geniuses do not go about without wearing pants!" Lloyd was slowly catching up.

"Well, you won't have any problems, then, will you!" Zelos laughed even harder.

"You'll pay for that comment!" Lloyd was running, but sadly, he tripped on Colette, who was lying in the middle of the road. "COLETTE? How did you get here?"

"I appeared mysteriously..." Colette explained.

"Yeah, so much I figured. Help me get my pants."

"Your... pants? Don't you have more pants at Dirk's house?" Colette grinned evilly, knowing that she had already given all Lloyd's pants to Zelos.

"I already checked, and I know you gave them to Zelos. He was singing merrily about how nice you were."

"Oh..." Colette groaned. "I guess I'll help..."

"Great!" Lloyd grinned.

"I guess I'll help Zelos!" Colette ran off and started pantsing all the men and boys she could find. She tripped, laughed, and kept on running.

"This sucks..." Lloyd sighed.

Suddenly, Colette screamed and ran back the way she had come. "Zelos! Please, take your pants back!"

"No way! I feel the need to feel the breeze between my knees!" Zelos stood on display, wearing only a thong. Lloyd threw up, then screamed and ran away.

Raine showed up and snapped his thong.

"OWWW!" Zelos jumped six feet before landing.

"I need you to pants Yuan. He won't follow me if you do."

"Fine. Where is he?"

"I saw him with Kratos. They were... having a tea party. With Maxwell."

"Aw, he's probably already wearing a dress."

Raine glared at him, then threw a rock at his head. "I said to pants him!"

_Sheesh, Raine, think you're freaking out a bit?_

"Of course not."

_Hmm. Anyway, I suppose I can get Yuan off your back... for a price._

"I'll do anything!"

_You have to find Genis for me. I want Genis's rare cookies._

"Ok... do you know where he is?"

_Of course I do! But that would make your job easier. And I just can't do that._

Raine stalked off toward Maxwell, figuring that Kratos might've abducted her little brother. Ah, the joys of siblinghood...

Sheena had tied Genis to a chair and was feeding him baby food. "Is mommy's widdle baby tiwed?"

"No, I'm not tired. I want to go find Presea!"

"But Mommy is not done feeding her widdle baby yet!"

"But she owes me that CARD!"

"EAT YOUR MASHED CARROTS!"

"Sorry, mommy..."

Raine suddenly appeared and stole Genis. "If you come with me, I can assure you that the author will make sure you get your card."

"Yay, new mommy!"

Raine sighed and ran off to find Yuan, since he knew how to get into the author's lair.

* * *

Meh, what with school and all, I've been really busy and unable to update. SORRY! Anyway, I'll try to continue, but I've got lots of homework this year... - Anyway, I really hope you like the story, but I'd like suggestions on my next chapter. I'm sure it will contain the showdown between Zelos and Kratos after Zelos takes his pants, but I don't know what else. Anyway, good reviews and good ideas for my next chapter would certainly be appreciated!

Gosh dang it, I need bad reviews. And don't lie, I'll know. And then I'll make a reviewer insertion into my story, just so the authoress can kill you. Genius, no?

Until next chapter: **The Doom Continues**


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